The Giratte is a creature in conflict with itself. The giraffe part of it loves to lope across open plains in search of acacia leaves, but the rat half prefers to scurry around a landfill site looking for garbage. So the Giratte is never quite satisfied with things. It represents courage, perseverance, passion and the ability to easily reach things on the top shelf. It’s your spirit animal. We hope you’re satisfied.
Distinguished by a curly tail and a huge horn on its snout, the Swineocerous is known for its obsession with mud. This alone is reason enough to be proud of your spirit animal. But wait-there’s more! The Swineocerous is also eager to please and unsurpassed in its ability to locate and dig up truffles. Like you, the Swineocerous represents wit, curiosity and tremendous hindsight.
Admired for its rare combination of curiosity, beauty and oddly pleasant-smelling breath, The Octopotamus will astonish you the very first time you behold it. Thanks to eight suction-cup lined tentacles, it can easily grasp even highly complex concepts. The self-assured Octopotamus represents decisiveness, optimism, and an innate ability to make hilarious guttural noises. Which makes it a lot like you.
“Ribbit, Guv’nor! Ribbit, Guv’nor!” This familiar mating call isn’t the only distinctive feature of your spirit animal. There’s also the lush and luxurious coat of fleece. A sticky, gelatinous tongue. And a tendency to behave badly at futbol games. Like you, the English Sheepfrog displays daring and foresight. Unlike you, it also displays a preference for room-temperature beer and insects.
The Crocoduck. Powerful, fearless and aggressive, your omnivorous spirit animal is more of a doer than a thinker, and it does it all with reptilian efficiency. The instinct-driven Crocoduck shares many admirable characteristics with you, although your skin looks better and we’re guessing you’re much more cuddly.
Consider yourself fortunate. Your spirit animal is the ultimate scavenger. With its compound eyes and keen sense of smell, the Flyena always knows where to go next. Despite doubts expressed by aeronautical engineers, it is actually capable of flight, and often takes to the skies just for recreational purposes. The Flyena represents pragmatism, opportunism, consumerism, and on a bad day, botulism.
With powerful hind legs that enable it to leap 50 yards in a single bound, the Antelocust embodies supreme confidence, to the point of snarling arrogance. We sometimes worry that millions of them will gather in a fearsome swarm and destroy all in their path. But you don’t worry, because you have supreme confidence, too. Your spirit animal would never hurt a hair on your head. As far as you know.
Some moonless night, as you walk alone along the edge of a bog, a dreadful, inhuman bellowing will emanate from an unseen place. At that point in time, you’ll want to thank us, because that’s the sound of your spirit animal, the Oxhund, who is merely expressing a desire to play with you. The frisky and intelligent Oxhund represents everything that’s great about you, including a tail that just never stops wagging.
Like clockwork, your spirit animal greets each day with a wakeup call. And that’s not just some lame metaphor. You get an actual wakeup call, because the Kangarooster is equipped with a cellphone, which it carries in its marsupial pouch. As you might expect, the Kangarooster represents qualities like promptness and reliability. As you might not expect, its beak is made of military-grade aluminum.
A curious combination of graceful elegance and lumpish awkwardness, the Storkupine was originally designed to deliver babies. But after federal safety regulators raised questions about the barbed quills, we repurposed it as a spirit animal. You should be glad. The Storkupine represents some of your finer characteristics, like patience, diligence, gentleness, and a tendency to be questioned by federal regulators.
Heavy and clumsy, the Turtledove shouldn’t sit on tree branches, yet it does. So avoid walking directly beneath it, because there’s a good chance it will fall and conk you on your noggin. But your holiday spirit animal means you no harm. In fact, it exists to protect your interests, promote your causes, and make sure your holiday season delivers on all your expectations, however unreasonable some of them may be.
An ingenious melding of two animals known for their ability to fly, the Whooping Creindeer rules the holiday skies. Your holiday spirit animal is as versatile as it is beautiful, able to survive on anything from frogs to tundra grass. Like you, it exhibits traits such as bravery, loyalty, and a tendency to communicate via a series of ear-splitting whoops. Unlike you, it pays its credit card bills in full every month.
The Penguana represents intelligence, honesty, and the interests of 16 foreign governments. A creature of extremes, it can be found anywhere from Antarctic waters to the steamy climes of the Yucatan. This quality makes it highly unpredictable, but what the heck, let’s try: We predict that your holiday spirit animal will bring you good luck, make you very happy and beat you in cribbage 31 straight times.
The Polar Bearacuda is an amazingly skilled hunter, whether by land or by sea. This talent will come in handy when you need help finding your keys, or that sock that disappears every time you do the laundry. Your holiday spirit animal symbolizes characteristics you yourself possess, like energy, perseverance, generosity and a tendency to load up on the Turducken at any holiday feast.
Often found in pear trees, gnawing on anything it can get its paws on, the Partridgerbil is a true survivor. Fueled by black market demand for pelts and teeth, poachers had hunted it to near extinction. But your holiday spirit animal has made a stunning comeback, due mainly to traits it shares with you—namely, grit, courage, determination, and protected-species status, courtesy of the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service.